How To Not Get Laid In High School

Write what you know.

Always keep “Sailor Moon” in your Heart

There is a part of my brain which has never recovered from the dazzling effects of Sailor Moon. Oh, my feminist ethics have taught me to expect more out of a heroine and my teenage years were a sobering period in which I reconciled with some questionable themes—such as a 14 year old girl dating a 20-something man—but no, I still love it. I would probably be watching it right now if it were on, and if I had cable. Sure, there are probably millions of places to stream it online, some of which I will likely discover after I finish this very important entry. However, it is my duty as the creator of this blog to explain the genital-deflecting potential of a pet love for “Sailor Moon.”


Ah, so visually stimulating

In high school, my love for “Sailor Moon” was put aside for more teenage-oriented activities. New places to sulk, for example. Which mascaras had the highest yield with the least investment was another. How to make your palms and armpits sweat simultaneously and profusely whenever a boy talks to you was something I perfected to an art back in those days. Yep, I sure was busy back then—no time at all for Bunny/Serena/Usagi and her broad. But the lessons I learned through those early years of ritualistic watching served me well. Well, not really.

You see, in terms of being a super hero, Sailor Moon is pretty terrible most of the time. No villain—major or minor—was ever triumphed without a healthy dose of wailing and cowering first. Yet somehow the four sailor scouts who repeatedly demonstrate more bravery and self-sacrifice are way less powerful than Sailor Moon herself. And if you think there is no sense in being a bitter critter about a children’s show which ended more than 20 years ago, be warned; that’s exactly the kind of attitude which could get you laid (in high school).


Lady Gaga


AND ANOTHER THING. Those outfits were ridiculous, a criticism which can be raised about the attire of most female super heroes, Japanese or otherwise. Why do people see women fighting in heels and think that is an entirely reasonable way to combat the forces of evil? Is it because most of the people who create these heroines don’t and probably will never wear high heels, or is it because female crime fighters should still look good, even when they are protecting ‘our’ way of life? The heels never made since to me. Of course, I have feet like a human-duck might have, making it very difficult for me to wear high heels and resentful towards those who can.

So perhaps “Sailor Moon” is light on the substance. Fine. It still gets big points for being colourful on a scale which only drug users could correctly identify and understand. Also, it was very sparkly. Additionally, the outfits of the female villains and heroes alike were spectacular, and have continued to influence the get-ups of artists today, Lady Gaga being a prime example.


You see it too, right?

All the memories and emotions I have about “Sailor Moon” came flooding back when I discovered the series had been rebooted in graphic novel form. According to the website I just read, they are also coming with a new translation. Just so you know.

Likely, there are a few more things I would like to include regarding my beloved “Sailor Moon,” but I have just discovered a bunch of Nibs at the bottom of my back pack. I am going to pick the change out of them and it eat it, and once that sugar high kicks in I won’t be able to sit still long enough to think.

I had an idea for my next post, but right now I can’t remember what it is.

What Just Happened:

  • I learnt how to upload pictures–can you notice?
  • I farted and it smelt terrible. 

What I’m Listening to Right Now:

  • My landlord fixing a banister which has been broken for the majority of time I have lived in this house.

To Do:

  • Draw 
  • Pick up pay cheque

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